We all have people in our lives that drain us of our energy and sometimes make us feel really crappy about ourselves. Cutting these toxic people out of your life isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. In today’s blog post we’re going to talk about how to break up with them.
Why you should let them go
Friendships and other relationships are meant to be a two-way street. In a healthy relationship, you give and you take. However, sadly there are a lot of people who aren’t actually very good friends at all. They are exhausting and make you feel bad about yourself. Whether they are humiliating you or making you feel small in another way, they need to go. It’s time for you to realize you can’t let anybody steal your shine.
These people are actually holding you back way more than you realize. In terms of your career and personality, you become the average of the five people you hang out with the most. Let that sink in. Who are the people you surround yourself with on a daily basis? Would you like to be like them? If not, you might need to reconsider why you’re spending all this time with them.Letting toxic people go isn't selfish, it's necessary. Click To Tweet
I’ve had my fair share of friends that made me feel bad about myself. To them, no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. It was always about them and they didn’t really care about me at all. And even after realizing that, it took me so long to let them go.
Why? Because I really, really didn’t want to be seen as a bad friend. I am not the one to drop a friendship and walk away from it. However, I truly wish I had done much sooner. It would have spared me so much worry and heartbreak.
My biggest pitfall is pity: being someone’s friend because you want to help someone or because they say they never really had a friend. I’ve come to the conclusion that 9 times out of 10, that’s because they’re a shitty friend. They feel like the world owes them, but they never really think about whether or not they’re being a good friend to someone else. If you feel like every friend you make leaves you, maybe it’s time to do some soul searching and really think about whether you were a good friend to them. People are very quick to blame others, but sometimes the problem lies with us…
I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. Not at all. As you know, this blog is solely here for the purpose of helping you move forward. And that’s what I’m trying to do. Sometimes we need to change ourselves and see things around us to change for the better.
I’ve been in both positions in friendships. I’ve been a shitty friend to some people. I didn’t mean to be, but I definitely was. I was going through a severe depression and I felt like I had my hands full. I had no time or energy to think about anyone but myself. Even though I needed to focus on myself, I now realize at that point I wasn’t a good friend at all. I never reached out, I hardly ever made time for them and when they came to see me, I’d even make up excuses as to why they had to leave early again.
People don’t always mean to be bad friends. Sometimes they can’t help it or they just have a lot going on. And that’s totally okay. However, when a friendship starts to exhaust you and they start blaming you for all kinds of things and make you feel bad, they still need to go. It’s okay to choose yourself over someone else. Most likely, nobody is going to do it for you.
True friends want to see you succeed
If you can’t be yourself around someone and feel like you have to walk on your toes all the time not to offend them or make them dislike you, that’s not what friendship or any good relationship should look like. The people you surround yourself with should be your biggest support system. It should be people that want nothing more than to see you thrive.
It’s time you start surrounding yourself with amazing people and let go of the ones dragging you down.
There’s two ways I know how to move on from a friendship with toxic people:
1. Break up with them
Simply tell them in a calm and friendly way that you don’t want to be friends anymore. There’s no need to tell them all the things they did wrong and get angry at them. You don’t want to end it in drama… that’s not necessary at all. Sometimes friendships don’t work out. Let’s not make too big of a deal out of it. Yes, they may have hurt you. They might have hurt you bad, but holding grudges won’t hurt them, it’ll hurt you. It’s best not to give them any more of your peace of mind. Just tell them that it’s not working for you and that you feel you aren’t a good match as friends. You can give them a short explanation such as, I feel we have different views in life. Don’t tell them all the things they did wrong, just tell them what you feel. They can never argue with that. Also, don’t fall for explaining it to them in detail. Not even when they ask for an explanation. This will just end in throwing punches and then drama. Just wish them well and leave it at that.
Just let it “bleed out”
As opposed to the first method, this is ripping off the bandage very slowly. It might be agonizing for you both. Stop making plans with them, reply to their messages a lot later than you would have done before and then stop messaging them altogether. I always find this method a bit painful, because you drag it out longer than it has to be. But if you don’t feel confident enough to just tell them what’s up (which I totally understand), this might be the way to go. Just don’t think this is a “stealthy” way to do it. They will still wonder what happened to your friendship. However, it does get the message across eventually.
I hope you start choosing “you” today. You deserve to surround yourself with good people. Just make sure you’re good to them too.
With much love,